Nobody enters into a marriage expecting to, or preparing for divorce, and it still remains somewhat of a taboo in today’s otherwise open-talking society. With that, it’s little wonder that when it does happen, it can hit you like a tonne of bricks, and wreak havoc on your mental wellbeing. These 7 steps will help you to navigate through this turbulent and highly emotional time, and guide you through to the other side of divorce.
1.) Acknowledge and accept that this will be an emotional rollercoaster. Very rarely is divorce completely civil, straight-forward and without mental and emotional strain, and it’s important to acknowledge that it’s okay and understandable to feel a huge range of emotions, including but not limited to, sadness, disappointment, anger, abandonment, failure, guilt, relief, and loss. Cut yourself some slack- you’re allowed to feel!
2.) Surround yourself with loved ones. Don’t try to do this alone, or to ‘suck it up’. Divorce is gruelling, so surround yourself with friends and family- lean on them for support and talk as often as you need to.
3.) Get legal advice. Whether amicable or acrimonious, independent legal advice is always advisable to sort out any financial and custody matters, even if you think you don’t need it. Always better to cross those Ts, and dot those Is, and the peace of mind of knowing it’s all taken care of will be a weight off your shoulders.
4.) Consider using a professional talking service. This could be talking therapies, counselling or life coaching, depending on what you wish to gain from it, but talking to a professional is a great idea to get everything off your chest, to gain a new perspective, process your emotions and if using a life coach, to start thinking ahead for your future.
5.) Re-invent yourself. This doesn’t have to be anything drastic, but it’s important to get to know who you are as this new, independent, single person, and to embrace that new identity. What have you always wanted to do?- Go do it! Fancy a new image but your spouse wasn’t keen? Now’s the perfect time! Take your time to get to know yourself and grab your new life with both hands!
6.) Enjoy alone time. Chances are, you’ve forgotten what it’s like to be on your own, and don’t know what to do with yourself. See now as a precious gift of extra time- something most of us wish we had, and take up a new hobby, make way into your reading list, binge-watch Netflix, take long baths with loads of bubbles- whatever brings you joy and contentment. The golden rule between relationships is to be comfortable with being on your own, so that you don’t fall into the trap of becoming reliant upon someone for entertainment and happiness. We are all responsible for our own happiness.
7.) Get out into nature. Being outside in nature does wonders for our mental health, and our physical health. Just a 20 minute stroll in a park, in the woods, on a beach, by the river, or anywhere else where wildlife and greenery exists will boost your endorphins, and bring you clarity of mind, and aid you to feeling more grounded and calm. Failing that, even sitting in your own garden to enjoy a cup of tea and listen to the birds chirp can be enough to still your mind.
Do not be afraid to talk about what you’re going through. You’re not alone, and everything you’re feeling is valid and normal. Divorce can throw up some unexpected feelings which can be difficult to cope with, but these 7 strategies will help to guide you through the process, and get you on your way to your shiny new life!
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